Updated: Oct 24, 2022
I'm one of those people that doesn't have a lot of very close friends but those who I have been close to will always be in my heart. No matter what the circumstances of our parting, I always try to look back at the positive things that came from our time together. As I am grateful for those things, I also miss the person regardless of why they are gone. Maybe they transitioned from their earthly body. Maybe there was a falling out and we are no longer in contact. Maybe they moved away and things just faded out. It doesn't matter what the reason as I haven't yet figured out a way to wholly let go of missing those friendships from being in my life now.
Last year, I lost almost every friendship that I had. Some I let go of after a few months of not having my phone calls returned when it became obvious that the other person wasn't willing to remain friends. Others I had continued to hope would be resurrected. Yet, in the last few weeks, it has become clear that only a couple have survived and some that meant the most to me will never be again and for those, I'm feeling a deep sense of loss today.
My study of A Course in Miracles allows me to be confident that all things past, present and future are working together for my good. I also know that we are never really apart from one another, yet my mind wants to give a hug to those who meant so much to me and to hear their voices on the phone. It's the dichotomy of this spiritual path. I know the truth that we are not these bodies and we are all joined in Spirit, yet I am experiencing this life as a body that is separate from others who seem to be gone.
So, I'm letting myself feel the grief today and allowing myself to just be with it. Those emotions aren't wrong even if they may be in part based on thoughts that aren't true. What I am also doing though is looking at the thoughts so I can let them go if I can see they are stories that I have made up in my head and not true, allowing myself to be sad about only those things that do seem to be a part of my experience.
I know tomorrow I will feel better as I move more into a space of accepting what is - and even feel better now just thinking that. To argue that "this shouldn't be!" is only a fight with reality that I can't win. They are gone from this life as I know it as of now. To want otherwise just creates more pain in my life than accepting that my life is abundant and growing where I am at now even if it is different than I would have orchestrated. The life I have now is flourishing in ways I could not have imagined. Life is good and today I am grateful for what it has been and is. I also send love and acknowledgment to those who are gone. I don't know why they could not have stayed in my life but they didn't, so I do miss them but know it is truly all good.